Woe is me

I've written, rewritten and deleted several posts before posting them over the past few weeks. It takes time to write a post, time that I have to squeeze in between Carter's feedings, diaper changes, playtime and my time with Ralph. I started this blog as a way for family and friends to keep up on whats going on in our lives. I also write about things that I have struggled with, etc. so that I may be able to help someone in a similar situation. I follow many other blogs because I can relate to the author and am interested in what's going on in their lives. Lately, I feel like I am talking to myself.... and why should I bother writing if nobody's reading it?! It's time I could be using for other things.

I also had a little rant on Facebook today. I take time everyday to go through people's status' and photos, and I try to comment as much as possible. Sometimes when I'm busy I will at least "like" the photo or status that way the person knows I at least acknowledged it. Obviously I don't expect people to comment on my stuff all the time. I just feel like "friends" that don't EVER comment are just being nosey. I asked people to delete me from Facebook if they don't care to listen to me talk about my life or look at my photos. The idea of Facebook is to connect with people.... if you can't be bothered with my life I won't bother with yours!! I realize people are busy.. and I realize I post a thousand photos of Carter a day so I can't expect people to comment on them all. I guess I'm just saying if you see me post photos and your first thought is "great, more photos of her kid", etc. etc. thennnn delete me! It's no skin off my nose! Haha! Having said that, if you care to know what's going on in my life continue reading. If I know people are reading I will keep writing. And thank you to those who have been following along :)

And now... an update:

I mentioned in my last post that I wasn't sure how much longer the pumping would last... well it lasted about a week after that post! I had Carter weighed on June 7th and he was only 12lb 8oz. He usually gains around 6oz a week and he had only gained 9oz in 3 and half weeks! Obviously something was up with the expressed milk. I started to notice it didn't have as thick a fat layer on top as it usually does when it's been in the fridge. It was also turning a greenish-blue hue!! Upon investigation I learned that the milk was this colour because it was mainly fore milk - very thin, and very little fat. I discovered that because I was only pumping 3 times a day I would have to pump for longer periods of time to get the fatty hind milk.... well that was it! I did not want to spend any more time attached to a pump, cleaning all the parts, sorting the bottles, etc. In the end I felt like I did what was best for all of us. I can spend more time with Carter this way, and I'm happy that he got breast milk for 3 months. In fact he's still getting a few ounces each day at this point. I have a freezer stash that should last a couple of weeks.

So, he's officially a formula fed baby. I had such anxiety over the thought of making this switch; I felt like I would be letting him down if I stopped. Now that we have finally switched it's not really bothering me as much as I thought it would. I really just put it in perspective... I was formula fed, Ralph was formula fed, and so are many, many babies and they turn out just fine!! After everything we've been through this is just not worth beating myself up over. He's a happy healthy little boy! I can't believe he's going to be 4 months next week! Time really does fly!

He's still an extremely fussy eater! He eats about 2-3 ounces every 2-3 hours! I'm taking him to see the doctor in the next week or so as he's not eating the recommended amount of formula per day. I wouldn't care so much about that, but his weight gain is still realllly slow! He's growing taller fast though; he is around 26 inches and 14 lbs. Because he's skinny he can wear most 3 month clothes, but if it has feet in it (sleepers, etc) then he is in 6 months or bigger.

He continues to throw up ALL THE TIME!! It's so distressing when he isn't eating enough to begin with, then he throws half of it up! I'm hoping he grows out of this soon. I feel so bad for him and it would be nice not to have to go through 5-6 outfits a day. Because of his eating habits there's no sign of him sleeping through the night anytime soon! He may do a 4-5 hour stretch if we are lucky.

Despite the feeding issues he is doing GREAT!! He continues to amaze me everyday! He still smiles all the time and finally laughed. I put him in his exercauser, and he just burst into laughter. It was the sweetest thing, I started to cry.... I know how sappy... Baby laughter is just the sweetest sound EVER! Then he went weeks without laughing, but when he did again we caught it on video:

He now laughs at the most random things. I was opening a chocolate bar yesterday and he was chuckling at the sound of it rustling. Then proceeded to cry.... haha!

He FINALLY likes tummy time! yay!

He also loves his toys now! I thought he was never going to take interest in them, but then suddenly one day he just reached out for one of them. His favourite toy is his toy phone, he loves to chew on the antenna :) He's also warming up to Sophie the Giraffe.

Oh oh oh, he rolled over!!..... once! haha. It was a few weeks ago from tummy to back, and he hasn't done it since. Oh well, at least we know he can do it, and he'll do it again when he wants to. He likes to roll onto his side when we lay him on his back, so I'm sure he will roll from back to tummy soon.

He is close to sitting up by himself. He likes to sit up leaning on the couch but can't quite hold himself up... yet..

Oh yes.. he has found his voice!! Of course he has been cooing and "talking" for weeks now but he is learning just how loud he can be. We were out and about a few days ago and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He wasn't upset, I think he was just seeing how loud he could be. I'm sure the entire store could hear him! He babbles all day, its so sweet. He also loves to blow bubbles :)

We visited Hopewell Rocks in New Brunswick a few weeks ago. It was amazing. I carried Carter in his Beco carrier again. He loved it and fell asleep instantly. I love carrying him, having him close to me. Ralph likes using the carrier too which is awesome!

We visited the Moncton Zoo again last month. Carter slept the entire time we were there the first time in April. It was nice that he was wide awake this time.

Ralph's grandparents are currently visiting family in the Halifax area. We went down to Halifax and stayed for a weekend. We went on the Harbour Hopper which is a city tour in a vehicle that can go on land and in the water. It brings you around the city then into the water down at the harbour. I highly recommend it if you have time. It takes about an hour.

Boondocks Restaurant - Gotta love those "cutted" steaks.

Sooo we have pretty much scrapped the diet for now! I just don't have time to be cooking meals from scratch every day when we are trying to pack up the house for moving! I've gained back the 5 pounds I lost, surprise surprise. I'm hoping once we move back to BC, there will be more people to keep an eye on Carter so I can cook more. I also have been slacking on the running. I haven't been in a few weeks now. I did use the Zombies, Run app once though and it was awesome! I highly recommend it! Again, once we are back home I'm hoping to get out more and hopefully start playing soccer again this fall.

Ever since my pregnancy my eyesight has been pretty bad. I had an eye exam a few weeks ago and was given a prescription for glasses. I am to wear them for reading, watching TV, driving, etc. Things are definitely much clearer now.

We are at T-minus 20 days until we move! We had a "yard" sale this past weekend. We ended up having it in our living room because there were thundershowers all day. We have sold everything that was in our living room so figured it made sense to have it in there. We made a few hundred dollars so it was worth the time. However, we still have a ton of stuff we need to get rid of. I think we are just going to end up bringing it all to the Salvation Army or something.

Thanks again to those that read my blog. Now that I know some people read it I will try to update more frequently.

- Amy

Change of Plans

I'm planning on returning to work around July 1st and it feels like it is fast approaching! Thats only 7 more weeks I get to be home with Carter.


That was the beginning of a post I started writing a few weeks ago. How things have drastically changed!! As of mid May I planned on returning to work in July, and Ralph was going to go on parental leave. We also planned on putting our house on the market this year with the hope of returning to British Columbia within the next year or so. We anticipated that it would take about a year to sell. With this in mind, we listed the house on May 14th. There was one viewing that day and they bought it!!! We were shocked and happy to say the least. We move out July 31st. I will be flying back with Carter, while Ralph drives back with a trailer.

That same day we got some bad news. We got a call that Ralph's dad was very sick, and we packed our bags and were on a plane back to BC within 5 hours! It was touch and go for a few days but he pulled through, and got to meet his newest grandson for the first time. If you're reading this.... WE LOVE YOU!! Even though the circumstances were not ideal, it was nice to see family and friends. It also made us realize just how much we have missed BC; it's home and it always will be. We cannot wait to move back!

It's times like this when you reflect on your own life and it's fragility. Life can change in an instant. Ralph and I have been saying we are going to eat better and exercise for quite a while now, but never got around to actually putting those words into action. Well, recent events have pushed us to change our unhealthy habits. We started Simply For Life (SFL) on May 26. SFL is basically a nutrition program tailor-made to each individual. There are no gimmicks or pills, just good wholesome food. You are given a meal plan and a list of foods you're allowed to eat. I like that I know exactly what I am going to eat each day. I'm not used to eating healthy, so I have no concept of what foods are actually good for me other than the obvious fruits and veggies.

I'm still battling to lose 24 pounds of the 50 I gained during pregnancy. I also want to lose an extra 8-10 pounds on top of that. When I started SFL I was 162 pounds, and my goal is to lose 32. At our first weeks weigh in, I lost 5 pounds. So as of June 2nd I weigh 157 lb. I'm extremely happy with this, as we have only been loosely following the plan so far. We are used to eating out at restaurants frequently so it's difficult to break those bad habits. We have definitely cut back significantly, and plan to cut back more and more as the weeks go on. I've been cooking up a storm these past couple of weeks. It has been a little overwhelming at times when I'm home alone with Carter and have to make soup from scratch... I have never been a huge fan of cooking so I rarely did it in the past. However, with each new recipe I tackle I'm beginning to actually dare I say it... enjoy?!?! cooking! Haha! I'm hoping this feeling continues.

I also started running a couple of weeks ago, and what a slow start it has been! I haven't participated in any real exercise in over a year and a half. I'm running about twice a week right now, but I would like to go more often. I'm only able to go about 1.5km at this time. I plan on returning to soccer when we move back to BC so I really need to get back in shape. I just downloaded a couple of apps for my iPhone that I'm hoping will help motivate me to get out there more often. I downloaded "Zombies, Run!" and "Couch-to-5K". I just got them so haven't tried them yet. From what I can gather, Zombie, Run! is sort of  a game that motivates you to run by having you run from zombies . There's a storyline and missions along the way. Couch-to-5K is a training program designed to get you off the couch and be able to run 5km....eventually. Ha! I've briefly looked at the app, and it looks like the program is 9 weeks long. You are expected to run 30 minutes, 3 days a week in that time. The program starts of slowly, gradually getting more difficult with each week. I'm hoping to give these apps a try in the coming weeks, and I'll let you know how I like them.

Another iPhone app I've been using is the Calorie Tracker by LIVESTRONG. I can track my daily food intake and exercise with this. You tell the app your height and weight and how much you want to lose (or gain...) and it will calculate your daily allowable calories. When you add any exercise it will subtract the burnt calories accordingly. I'm finding it very helpful so far and highly recommend it.

I'll keep you all updated on my progress. Oh, and Ralph's doing good too! He's already down 8 pounds. Yay!

Carter is now 11 weeks, and his personality reveals itself more and more each day. He smiles ALL the time now and looks like he is SO close to laughing. He will stare at you for ages, and looks like he's really studying your face. When we hold him he is constantly trying to lean forward or stand up. He can fully weightbear on his legs and loves to do so all day. We do tummy time with him each day, but he still hates it!! He will tolerate it for all of a minute then he face plants and screams bloody murder til' we pick him up. He tolerates it a little longer if we lay him over the boppy pillow, but he's still not a huge fan. I had been getting a little anxious that we weren't getting in enough tummy time with him, but we are doing the best we can. Also, I'm sure they weren't pushing tummy time 50 years ago and people seemed to turn out ok.

His torticollis is MUCH less noticeable now. He fully turns his head both ways no problem, and no longer favours looking left. The back of his head still has a little flat area, but its not that noticeable. It may resolve with time, or it may not... either way he'll be fine.

I am officially done with breastfeeding. There had come a point a few weeks ago where Carter was only feeding for about 3-4 minutes then he would scream and scratch at me. Each feeding would end in him crying and me extremely upset! He was getting increasingly fussy too, so I suspected he wasn't getting enough to eat. So, I decided it just wasn't worth the struggle anymore and I am now exclusively pumping the milk and feeding it to him in a bottle. I'm not going to lie, it's hard work pumping 5-7 times a day, then feeding him, and cleaning all the bottles, pump parts, etc. I also have to bring the pump with me if I'm going to be out for a long time. However, I am MUCH happier and feel Carter is too. He no longer screams at me and he is eating more. I'm not sure how long I will stick with the pumping, but I'm happy to say that he has received breast milk for 11 weeks so far. That's quite the achievement considering all the problems we've been through.

I'm not exactly sure how much he weighs, but I'm sure he's at least 13 lb now. I think he's going to be tall and skinny. He's growing out of his clothes so fast! I had him in a 6 month onesie the other day. Although, the sizing for infants clothes is ridiculous because he also fits into a newborn diaper shirt from another brand.

Ok, I don't want to jinx a good thing but this little guy has been sleeping fairly well the past few nights. We put him to bed around 11pm (hoping to push that to an earlier time in the near future) and he usually sleeps til around 4-6am. He usually falls asleep within a few minutes. Tonight's been an exception however, as he took quite a while to get to bed and I can hear him fussing on the monitor as I type. Yikes! I hope this is just a one off night!!

I had a wonderful mothers day. We spent the day at home, and what more could I ask for?! Carter got me a photo frame that says mommy's little monkey on it. Isn't he sweet :)

I'll leave you with some recent pics:

- Amy

6 Weeks Old

Time is flying by!! Carter is already 6 weeks old, and I see so many changes in him. For the past week he has been smiling for real, not just while he's pooping or farting. I love his little grin!

Our poor little guy has a condition called torticollis. It means "twisted neck" where his head is tilted to one side. In Carter's case he favours leaning and looking to the left. I noticed that he favoured his left side within his first day of life, so he likely acquired this condition due to his position in utero. He started physiotherapy to correct it a couple of weeks ago. We are doing stretches at home everyday and are already seeing improvement. He voluntarily turns his head to the right now. Yay! Carter also has a flat area on the back of his head due to favouring the left side. Because he's so young he has a good chance that it will round out with time. If not, he'll just have to live with it.

My Struggles with Breastfeeding

During my pregnancy I read a lot about breast feeding. I knew I wanted to breast feed from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I had read how natural it was, so I assumed it would come naturally for me. Well it has been quite the opposite! Within an hour of Carter's birth I tried feeding him, but he would not latch on! It was super frustrating and disappointing. I tried a few more times later on with no luck. Eventually one of the nurses gave me a nipple shield to help him latch and it worked! Yay! Then it appeared that I wasn't producing any milk so the nurses had me supplement with formula. I'm upset that they made me feel like I was a failure and had to supplement. My understanding is that you produce colostrum in the first few days, then the milk comes in. I had no idea if I was producing anything though! Finally after a couple of days a lactation consultant came to see me. She had me start pumping right away. After a couple of times pumping I was getting small amounts of colostrum. I finally started to feel like my body was doing what it was supposed to do. I was determined to get rid of the formula so we started syringe feeding Carter the colostrum I had pumped. He only had formula for the few days we were in the hospital.

What also made breast feeding extremely frustrating in the beginning was the fact that Carter was so tired. He was jaundiced which can make babies very sleepy. I had to wake him for every single feeding and he would barely wake up! Try feeding a sleeping baby. Very frustrating!

I managed to get rid of the nipple shield within two weeks and Carter has been latching on well ever since. He is a very efficient eater. I was told by everyone that he should be eating for at least 10 minutes on each side for every feeding. Well he has never done that! I have enough milk to feed a small village, so he gulps and gulps and finishes on one side in 10 minutes and is full. He spits up a lot due to how fast he eats. I was worried he may have reflux or something, but he doesn't. His weight gain has been adequate, and he is no longer sleepy all the time. He is bright and alert, and is poopin' and peein' up a storm.

I wanted to quit after a week. I cried because I felt like I was starving him, and had to supplement with formula. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with formula, I was just bound and determined to exclusively breast feed. Well here we are 6 weeks later and still breast feeding. Carter is a bit of a fuss pot when it comes to feeding. Sometimes he will eat for 10 minutes straight no problem, but most of the time he eats for a minute, pulls off, fusses, spills milk everywhere then latches back on for another minute. It's hard work, but I'm glad I've persisted as I know it is best for both of us. So, to anybody having trouble in the beginning, it does get easier! Through my experience, and speaking to other moms I've learned that it does not come natural for a lot of people. I wish I had known this from the beginning. I just assumed everyone else was a natural and I was a failure.

Carter has gotten quite a few bottles of breast milk so far. He had his first one at 3 weeks. I had been told that I should wait at least 6 weeks to introduce a bottle as it may cause nipple confusion. Well I was so frustrated and tired that I figured I was going to switch to formula anyway, so if he didn't go back to the breast after the bottle I would just quite. However, he has had no nipple confusion whatsoever. Thank God! So my sweet husband can give me a break every couple of days and give little man a bottle of milk. This has been a key part in me continuing to breast feed.



On April 18 Carter turned 1 month old. I decided to take my own photos and here are some of them:

I love being a mommy!! Yes, I'm sleep deprived and covered in baby puke and pee, but he is so worth it! I feel so blessed to have this little boy in my life. He's amazing :)

Speaking of pee.... this child loves to pee on himself and everything around him. Haha! I had heard that little boys tend to do that when you open the diaper and air hits them, but wow. He doesn't do it as much anymore as we've learned how to change his diaper really fast.... I also cover his particulars with a wipe to minimize damage if he does pee. Oh joy!

Little man is currently sleeping in his swing. He loves it! It also has a removable bouncy chair that he is fond of. That bouncy chair is a lifesaver. I have managed to shower every single day by keeping the bathroom door open and putting him in the chair in the doorway. He likes the sound of the bathroom fan, it usually puts him to sleep. He's not too interested in any of his toys yet. He will hold them if we put them in his hands, but thats about it. We bought him Sophie the Giraffe, and are hoping eventually he takes interest because that thing was expensive!

He likes going for walks in the stroller and truck rides as long as we keep him moving. He usually sleeps the whole time we are out anywhere. He is unsure about tummy time right now, and will only tolerate it for about 5 minutes.

Carter sleeps in our room in the bassinet part of his playpen. The past few weeks most nights he will sleep for a four hour stretch, eat, then sleep for another three hours or so. We are hoping this continues.

Well, thats about it for now. I'll leave you with some more photos of our handsome little man:

- Amy